Happy Birthday Michael and Madison!!

Be prepared; this is a long post!  I can NOT believe it.  Can Not.  How is it that my babies are already a year old??  I anticipate today will bring a lot of tears.  It's so shocking to me that they are a year old.  It feels like just yesterday I was in labor at 37 weeks.

I went in to labor something fierce the day before they made their appearance.  I remember doubting Mike.  I remember thinking no way he could coach me through contractions.  No way he could stand in the room with me with his awful gag reflux.  No way would he be anywhere near these babies coming out.  And I was terrified he was going to pass out and end up in the ER and I would be by myself.  But you know what?  He was a ROCK STAR!  He sat by me.  He held my hands.   He talked to me.  He of course made jokes.  He encouraged me.  He cheered me on.  He repeatedly told me how much he loved and appreciated me.  It was absolutely the best day of my life.  I was a mom.  I had a FAMILY.  I felt complete. My heart might as well have burst out of my chest with the overwhelming love I found for my husband that night.  I don't know if I ever got to tell him that.  I wish he knew that and I wish I had told him that.

I don't know where the last year has went.  Most of this year was Hard.  Hard beyond hard beyond hard.  There's been minimal sleep, lots of tears, lots of frustration, and lots of really hard times.  For me, today is not just about their birthday but about survival for me.  I somehow survived this year.  Months (literally) of no sleeping, hard times with my marriage, the death of my husband, and somehow still finding the strength to at least be a minimally decent mother at times.  I wish you were here to celebrate with me Mike.  I think you would be a very proud daddy today.

Michael and Madison- today is all about you.  I love you more than you will ever, ever know.  I will always be your number one cheerleader.  Happy Birthday loves. 

May 9, 2013 at 12:53am I welcomed Madison Grace in to the world.  Two hours later at 2:58am I welcomed my sweet boy, Michael Kaden in to this world.

2 weeks old

One Month Old

Two Months Old

3 Months Old

4 months

5 months old

6 months

7 months

8 months

9 months

10 months

11 months

Happy birthday my sweet, sweet, babies.  I can confidently say that after all I have been through in this last year, I would not be here right now if it was not for you.  You have made my life so full in some of the most empty moments.  I don't think I'll ever be able to explain how thankful I am that God chose ME to be your mom.  I love you both.