September 30, 2013. The day that changed it all. We had just had a wonderful day the day before. Handed the children off to grandma. Slept in. Had a great church service. Spent the day together. Ran errands. Snuggled on the couch watching Netflix. Spent time with our children. Grilled an amazing dinner that night. Put the kids to bed. Snuggled in bed. Read our nightly devotional. Prayed together. I fell asleep on his chest while he watched TV.
10pm baby Michael woke me up. Within 30 minutes I was calling 911 for Mike. He WALKED out of my house. TALKING fine. Climbed in to the ambulance on his own. He was AWAKE. Breathing. Talking.
30 minutes later I'm at the hospital. They won't take me back right away. That's when I knew. The nurse said "he's really, really sick". I prayed. I cried. I prayed some more. Then they let me see him. They were doing CPR. He was lifeless on the table. Completely limp. I screamed. I just kept screaming. I kept telling them no. I hit his legs. I begged him to wake up. I yelled at him to not do this to me. I begged him to fight. I told him Michael and Madison needed him. I needed him.
I begged God. I begged him not to take Mike from me. I tried bargaining with Him. I promised I wouldn't do this or that. I promised to go to church every week. I promised to read our devotionals daily and pray together every night. I begged. I screamed. I cried.
And that was it. He was gone. They did CPR for an hour. His heart stopped and he wouldn't come back. He just laid there. Cold. Not moving.
How did we get here? How did this happen? How did I go from being this happy, married, new mom to a WIDOW in my TWENTIES? How did my husband go from walking out of my house to lifeless in less than 2 hours.
I will never understand why this had to happen. I will never understand why he was taken from us so soon. I'm a planner and this wasn't in my plans.
What I do know- I've learned God's grace is sufficient. I've learned that every single twist and turn the last few months, God has been there. God has provided for me in more ways than I can imagine. Faith makes a difference (and an amazing counselor too, ha!).
I'm hopeful that in 2014 and going forward that if I just Keep Aim, God will launch my life in to something great and that my children will still have an amazing life ahead of them despite being a victim of circumstance. That, if I keep my faith, that God will take this terrible, awful, no good situation and bring some good, someway, somehow, out of this situation. That God will slowly shed some light for me to help me be HAPPY again. To show me that there are bigger plans out there for my children and I than I ever imagined.
So, I will just Keep Aim. And eventually this arrow HAS to launch forward in to something great.
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