Happy New Year, 2015!

"It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life, 

for me,and I'm feeling good!"

Another year has come and gone and oh what a year it was!  I rang in the new year with one of my best friends at a place in Austin and we had a great time. 

I realized a few days ago that amongst all of the "firsts" without Mike here, it was actually the first entire calendar year that Mike was not here for a single day of.  It was simply a year of survival and adjustments and learning. A sweet friend and widow told me in the early days that all of the "firsts" were the hardest.  Even things that weren't a huge deal when Mike was alive would become huge, ordeals that had to be survived.  And survive I did.

The thing about grief is that you can't plan or prepare or ignore it. For me, that has been one of the most difficult parts of this new life.   What do you mean I can't make a plan??  But I prepared for it??  And I made myself so, so busy to ignore it??  Tears came without warning, Anniversaries, special occasions, and holidays passed slowly, and I watched both Michael and Madison pick up habits of the father that they would never remember.  

It wasn't an easy year by any stretch of the imagination.  But you know what?  I started growing into this strong, ambitious, independent woman and mother that I'm proud of.  When I started this blog, I was inspired by this saying:

 

I don't know how much further one can be pulled back after you lose your spouse and each "first" seemed like one more obstacle to get through.  That first year is now over.  I'm excited about the new year and all the amazing, wonderful things that are yet to come and looking forward to the great things my life is going to launch into.  

Bring it 2015!