Overwhelming

Some days I move forward.  Some days I have a good day.  Some days I actually am *whispers* happy.  Then... all of a sudden, completely out of my control, it feels like someone just slammed a pile of bricks on to my chest and it is holding me back.  It comes when I least expect it.  I could be driving down the road and a song comes on the radio.  It could be our favorite song, a song I hate, a song played at his celebration of life, anything and I fall in to a hysterical mess.  I could see a picture of him.  M&M could do something that I call a "daddy moment" where they do something that looks just like their daddy or something that reminds me of him.  It could be a TV show. Ohhhhhh the TV shows.  I'm pretty sure if you are grieving you probably shouldn't watch TV at all! Ha!  People being in love, people dying, people breaking up, people getting married.  Yep, shouldn't watch TV!

The feelings come and go and are overwhelming.  I try to keep reminding myself that it gets better. That this isn't forever.  That one day the happy feelings will be more than the sad.  That I will be able to hear the songs, watch the shows, play with my kids, and I won't feel like I'm suffocating.  Some days I just  have to remember that I have to Keep Aim...  (this blog name is really starting to work for me! ;) )