Holidays sneak up on me every time. I've been good. Better than good. Good enough the counselor told me I didn't have to come any more, haha. But, no amount of preparation prepares you for holidays. Holidays mean family time. And my family is not complete anymore.
I've been preparing for Easter, getting stuff ready for the kiddos, looking for their Easter outfits for weeks, cleaning house, and making a menu. I've been excited for family coming to town. Excited that friends are coming. I'm going to have a full house. It's all good things. Reminiscing our memories of my Easter's as a child. Planning out fun things for M&M to do on Easter as they get bigger. Searching Pinterest for as many good ideas as I can find.
Then today, EVERY where I went something reminded me of Mike. Literally. I felt like I couldn't catch a break. I miss him so much. But damn it, I'm tired of missing him. I'm ANGRY at him. He screwed up my life. He screwed up his children's life. He ruined our family. We are suffering because he isn't here. How is that fair?
How is it possible to miss someone so incredibly much and be as angry with them as I am. And how is it that I can be absolutely fine for days, weeks, and then in a day feel so incredibly overwhelmed with emotion all over again. Especially around holidays. I just want to rejoice in the true meaning of Easter, celebrate Michael and Madison's very first Easter, enjoy all of the wonderful friends and family that I will be celebrating with. But instead, my heart hurts tremendously today.
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