Father's Day

I never anticipated today being a hard day for me.  After all, I have more dad's in my life than I could hope for.  I have my dad who is just that- my dad.

I have my step-dad, who never for a second has treated me like anything other than his very own daughter.

And I have an amazing father in law, who continues to treat me as though I've always belonged in his family.

But today, I am so, so, so sad.  Just a little over a year and a month ago, I watched this guy become a father for the first time.

I watched someone that I had known for 7 years of my life become a dad.  Someone who had a laugh that would light up a room.  Someone that could find a way to smile in any circumstance.  Someone who in the scariest of circumstances always remained calm.  

Someone who completed me.  Someone who was reasonable when I wasn't.  Someone who was laid back when I could be high strung.  Someone who went above and beyond to cheer other people up. Someone who made me laugh even when I was so mad.

That day our life changed.  No more Friday night date nights every week.  No more quiet nights just being in each others presence. No more just thinking about us.  We all of a sudden were responsible for not one, but two, additional little lives every.single.day.

But in those moments, the moments just before M&M were born, the moments right after they were born, I felt more connected to my husband than I ever had before.  Watching him look at them, talk to them, it was unlike anything I could have ever imagined. 

He loved them so much.  He loved them more than anything in this entire world.  That's one of the few things I know with all certainty.  I can't believe they are spending father's day without their daddy.  Life is so, so unfair at times.  This is certainly one of them.

Someone posted the above picture on a facebook group I'm in.  I'm trying to remember this today.  That when I miss him so much my entire body hurts, literally, that I have so much to be grateful for.  And the most important thing to be grateful for, that I have two incredibly precious children all thanks to Mike.  

I love you so much and miss you terribly babe.  Happy Father's day!!