9 months

It's been 9 months.  9 long, frustrating, life changing, lonely, busy, sleepless, soul searching months of my life without the one man I vowed to spend the rest of my life with. My life has changed so much in 9 months.  I found this article online that gave examples of things you could do in 9 months:

1. Develop a child within your womb (if you’re a human female).
2. Grow 4.5 inches of hair.
3. Watch the Lord of the Rings Trilogy (Extended Edition) 532 times.
4.  Read the Harry Potter series 168 times (on an average of 1.5 weeks per read through of the series).
5.  Boil 36288 rounds of corn on the cob (on an average of 10 minutes per boil).
6.  Get an average night’s rest of 9 hours 672 times.
7.  Watch a butterfly appear from a cocoon after it makes it about 25.2 times.

Let that sink in for a minute.  The most memorable 9 months of my life were the 9 months leading up to my wedding and all the excitement and planning that went in to it.  And then 4 years later, the 9 months being pregnant with M&M and all of the excitement and planning that went in to preparing for these two little beings coming in to our world.  The last 9 months of my life have been less than memorable.  I feel like I missed at least 4 months of my children's life because I was living in a complete haze.  When I try and remember some of their milestones in those 4 months it is like my mind is completely blank and that breaks my heart. 

In the last 9 months of my life:
1. I celebrated our birthdays for the first time without Mike.
2. I celebrated all of the major holidays without Mike (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's, St. Patricks' Day)
3. M&M had their first birthday without their daddy
4. M&M went on their first road trips (short ones to Conroe and a long one to Lubbock)
5. We watched Mike's grandparents remarry after 35 years when they were 81 and 82 years old.
6. I got through my 5th wedding anniversary without my husband.
7. I got through Mother's day and Father's day without my husband.
8. I was able to keep my house when I thought I was going to have to sell it.
9. I've come to see how truly amazing some of my friends are.
10. I've learned that I am a hell of a lot stronger than I EVER imagined I could be.
11. I've come to believe that I can survive anything.

My life will never be the same.  I will never be the same.  I'm not the same person I was 9 months ago and I never ever will be.  This time last year Mike and I were trying to come up with a routine to care for our newborn twins.  Life is so, so different.

June 2013

 

June 2014