Sometimes... I feel him. I feel like he is standing right here with me. It's like an overwhelming comfort comes over me like never before. It happened Saturday. I went with Mike's parents to the Texas Longhorns baseball game where my Horns clenched a spot in to the College World Series. Texas baseball is a Mike thing. I've always been more of a football girl but his love of baseball has certainly worn off on me. I can only imagine the look of excitement on his face, the smiles he would have had. He would have been so proud of his team that day, so proud to be on Longhorn.
Mike's parents were taking me home and we decided to stop by the cemetery on the way home. It was soooo hot outside, but a pretty day. It is always so, so peaceful out at his graveside. That huge shade tree is just the perfect place.
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I was standing at the head of his grave, with my eyes closed, silently talking to him. Telling him how much I loved him, how much I missed him, and talking about our Longhorns. That's when I felt him. The wind started blowing directly in my face, never ceasing. It was as though the wind picked up and wouldn't stop blowing. I thought to myself that it was just trying to keep me cool. And then, it felt like he was right behind me. Mike had this way that if I was standing somewhere, he would come up behind me, wrap both of his arms all the way around me on my shoulders and hold me. I fit perfectly at his chest since he was so much taller than me. I felt him there. I felt his arms wrapped tightly around me, his head on top of my head. I felt secure. Comforted. For just a minute. And then it was gone.
I took those moments for granted when he was alive. He would come up and do that to me in the grocery store and I would shrug him off and tell him to get off of me. If I was busy and doing something I would tell him to get off. I would be annoyed because I just wanted to get done whatever it was I was doing that I felt like was more important at that time. What in the world was more important than taking a minute for my husband's loving touch? He loved me. He was showing affection to me. And I would blow him off. What kind of wife is that? Our marriage wasn't perfect. No one's is. But, it's these small moments, that make me beat myself up. Because I just want one. more. small moment. Just one more embrace, hug, kiss, just one more moment with Mike. And that won't ever happen. For now, I hold on to the small moments when I feel like he is right here, right next to me, comforting me.
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